I’m not talking about food labels…I’m talking about your child. Whether your child is homeschooled, in private or public school, your child is being labeled…by you, by teachers, by other parents.  It’s what we do because it sometimes seems helpful to think about or talk about kids when we put them into categories and roles.  You do this at home when you label your own child as a Picky Eater or as Stubborn.  Teachers label children Cooperative or Talkative.  Sometimes in order for a child to receive the extra support he may need in a school system he is officially labeled as Learning Disabled, Emotionally Imparied or ADHD.  I can’t tell you how many kids over the years have told me, as a way of defining themselves, “I have ADHD.”  or “I have a Learning Disability.”  They have assumed the identity that was put upon them by the adults in their lives. 

Whatever your child is being labeled, consciously or not, there’s a good chance your child may grow into that label.  

 

In his book, Choice Words:  How Our Language Affects Children’s Learning,eter H. Johnston talks about how your child develops a personal and social identity – with uniqenesses and affiliations that define the person he sees himself becoming. Johnston tells us,

“Building an identity means coming to see in ourselves the characteristics of particular categories (and roles) of people and developing a sense of what it feels like to be that sort of person and belong in certain social spaces.”1  Johnston tells us that adults’ comments can offer them (children), and nudge them toward, productive identities.  I have seen this over and over both in the classroom and in my own home.  When I label a group of students by saying, “Readers, bring your books and let’s get together on the rug to talk about our reading lives.”  or “Boy, you are an Adventurous Eater, trying new foods all the time!” I am painting a picture for those students or for my own children – giving them a vision of an identity they can grow into.  And, in my experiences they usually do grow into some version of that identity.
 

My own children teach me this lesson about labeling over and over.  When I see Natalie as disorganized – which she learned from me most likely – and when I verbalize to her that she is Disorganized – guess what she becomes more of?  You guessed it.  But whenever I see her being organized – even in the smallest of ways – and I comment to her that she is an Organized person, guess what I see more of?  When I notice Jacob being extremely helpful to me and I tell him, “Boy, you are so Helpful to our family!”,  who beams with pride and asks even more frequently, “What can I do to be helpful?”  If Lucas has a hard day, but bounces back, and I remember to tell him how Resilient he is, guess who stands a little taller? 

Your language is probably one of the most powerful parenting tools you have when it comes to raising a healthy, happy child.

Consider the qualities that will make your child a more successful and connected person in this world.  Notice when your child is exhibiting those qualities – even in the smallest of ways – and name  – yes label – your child with that quality.  Have conversations that support the identity you want to nudge your child into developing.  It’s different than trying to make him someone he’s not.  Instead you’re fostering qualities, behaviors, habits that will allow him to successfully be more of who he is meant to be.

Consider the labels you’re using with your child that are not supporting what you actually want for him – Picky Eater, Lazy, Disorganized, Uncooperative, Slow, Non-Reader, Bad at Math, Sickly, Angry, and the list goes on.  Stop seeing your child with this identity – no matter how hard it is.  That doesn’t mean you deny an issue or don’t get support if support is clearly needed, but instead begin to see in your child the opposite qualities.  Even when there’s just a small glimpse – your Picky Eater tries one bite of a new food – or your Non-Reader asks to go to the library – or your Lazy son takes out the garbage – go ahead and use a label then.  Help your child create an identity for himself that will ultimately help him thrive. So, yes - label your child.  Just be aware of the labels you are choosing to use.

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Angelle Batten, MEd. is a Holistic Health & Parenting Coach and co-founder of nourishMD. She teaches parents how to feed their children REAL food and parent in a more connected way every day - so despite a crazy busy life they can raise healthier, happier children who make the world a better place.